Top 5 Things Having a Moment for Way Too Long

1) Rosé

Rosé exists in a space floating on a yacht somewhere between red and white. It’s goldish-pink color makes it the perfect accessory at a Hamptons picnic, where the upper crust crowds are known for drinking the supply dry, and lends picture-perfect panache to any Instagram feed. Unfortunately, the taste of rosé is uncompelling. It’s not even because it’s too sweet; it’s because it’s not… enough…anything, just neutral, unoffensive and soothing, like Millennial Pink — a color I happen to like, but not in my wine glass.

2) Bacon

whole fish wrapped with bacon lemon
Now, this is going too far…

I love bacon. That smoky, salty flavor is as comforting as a hug from grandma. And although the best turkey bacon can’t replicate the qualities of pork, but good on them for trying. Yes, we all agree bacon is delicious, but that doesn’t mean it has to go on everrrythang. Maple bacon donuts? An exciting proposition. Bacon in pork fried rice? An abomination. On cooking shows and in some restaurants, bacon is the ringer. When the cook isn’t sure how to that entree special, you almost know bacon will make an appearance. But by now it’s so overused, it’s become cliche. Enough with the bacon.

3) Apple catering to Consumers vs. Creators

A MacBook Pro with one port? Sounds like MacBook Amateur to me. If you don’t have a box of dongles, you can’t do jackshit. What’s next, no storage? So that nothing is saved on the hardware anymore, it’s all floating in the atmosphere? Everything is wireless. Nothing is tangible. We are Borg. In that case, just get a smartphone, but as I told a client who thought his apps were everything: I can’t do my job on a phone. I can’t build an ad on a phone. I can’t retouch a hi res image on a phone.

If you asked Christopher Mims of the Wall Street Journal, he’d say that Apple is wasting their time building Macs, which are only 10% of the market. Focus on iPhones, iPads and watches, he’d say. I say, take a walk to your WSJ Art Deparment and see what they’re using to layout that newspaper. It ain’t a phone.

It was creators (and educators) that were buying Macs when everyone else was using PC. It was schools, ad agencies, newspapers, musicians, film makers, and the like. And it was this core group that were the early adopters of the portables, because they knew and loved Mac because it fit their life. A Mac is not some old school word processor. But it’s also a lot more than the world’s most expensive radio.

4) Vinyl

 

Cassette Tape Hamilton Musical
Tapes are back? Blame vinyl.

 

Vinyl is both unwieldy and fragile. But that’s not why it’s on this list. It’s because the vinyl comeback opened the door to lesser listening medium we thought was long gone. When CDs happened, I couldn’t trade up from vinyl and cassettes fast enough. I had — and have — a huge library of cassettes, and I like blank cassettes as a writeable medium. But they’re fragile, too. If you’ve ever had a favorite tape eaten by the machine, you know what I mean. But this throwback trend went back too far. Urban Outfitters is selling cassette tapes right now. And people are buying them. I saw an under-20-something buy The Weeknd on cassette, along with a portable cassette player. It’s a novelty for her; I get it. But what’s next, 8-track tapes? Nah, I doubt it.

5) Sagging

We’re still doing the sagging jeans and sweatpants thing? I hate to be the get-off-my-lawn guy. But this is how I feel. How this 90s fad became a lifestyle should be the subject of a doctoral thesis.

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